Anger in Human
Anger is rooted in our most primitive desire to live. of survival mechanisms. When an animal is attacked by a cruel and dangerous predator, the situation brings anger that serves as a signal to fight and survive. In a more evolved animals, such humans, the complex brains attach similar meaning of threat and danger to things that aren’t life-threatening. It is not surprising that humans can find themselves triggered by "small issues" (someone is late for a meeting, a lie that someone said, political position which is different from your position etc.) with equally intense response as if it is life threatening. Once those wires are triggered (once the button was pushed), you are ready to fight and retaliate.
A Flame like Anger
A flame, like emotion, is a primitive force, left unchecked is chaotic and destructive, but if controlled, it can be powerful tool. Like the lamp that controls the flame, our brain can control our emotions, and we as human can learn to manage our emotions in a constructive manner.
In the past (as a child), your anger was a source of strength and at time gave you courage while it protected you. It serves you as a “survival mechanism.” But, now, as an adult if you realize that you are not in this a survival situation, you can build a better mechanism to protect yourself and use the emotions as a signal and indicator to your status relative to your needs.
When you pay attention to this signal (the emotion) try stay with it and not to react to it. Then, you can slowly figure out what this signal means and what is your need. Once you realize your need, think and find a constructive way to express your need in a respectful assertive manner. It is important to note that expressing your needs does not necessary leads to fulfilling your needs. In this regards, one has to know what is within his power and what is beyond his power. All one can do it to do his best (with in his power) to get what he needs, yet accept what is beyond his power and accept it.
Originated in StarTrek and Revised by Moshe Ratson (MBA, MS MFT, LMFT)
nycMFT provides Anger Management Counseling in New York City and develops the following Goals and Skills: