Self Esteem = Real Self Acceptance
Self esteem is defined by Dr.
Twerski as a true and accurate awareness of one’s skills, capabilities and
The importance of this is clear – one can optimally adjust or
adapt to his reality or environment only to the degree that one’s perception of
reality is correct. An incorrect perception of reality is a delusion
and someone who is delusional cannot possibly adjust properly to reality.
If I am delusional about myself, there is no way
I can live a happy and productive life. If I happen to be bright but think that
I am dull, if I am personable but think myself to be undesirable, if I am
handsome and think myself to be unattractive, I am delusional, and my distorted
self-concept prevents an optimal adjustment to life. I certainly believe that
the overwhelming number of psychological problems that are not of physiologic
origin are invariably due to low self esteem,
i.e., to a distorted
self-concept in which a person grossly underestimates oneself.
Having weaknesses does not make you incompetent
or a failure. The real purpose of life is to become the best person you can
become and to utilize your abilities for good. It is important to note that healthy
self esteem does not solve all the problems of life. Struggle and conflict is
intrinsic to life. Sooner or later everyone experiences anxiety and pain. While
self-esteem can make one less vulnerable more durable, it cannot make one
ignorant of his feelings and needs.
Think of self esteem as the immune system of
consciousness. If you have a healthy immune system, you might become ill, but
you are less likely to; if you do become ill, you will likely recover faster,
your resilience is greater. Similarly, if you have high self-esteem, you might
still know times of emotional suffering, but less often and with a faster
recovery. Its presence does not guarantee fulfillment, but its absence
guarantees anxiety, frustration and despair.
mftNYC develops self esteem counseling program in New York City
that helps individuals in
building their self esteem by creating greater awareness and teaching the
skills toward more durable, fulfilling life.