Self Esteem = Real Self Acceptance

Self esteem is defined by Dr. Twerski as a true and accurate awareness of one’s skills, capabilities and limitations. The importance of this is clear – one can optimally adjust or adapt to his reality or environment only to the degree that one’s perception of reality is correct. An incorrect perception of reality is a delusion, and someone who is delusional cannot possibly adjust properly to reality.

If I am delusional about myself, there is no way I can live a happy and productive life. If I happen to be bright but think that I am dull, if I am personable but think myself to be undesirable, if I am handsome and think myself to be unattractive, I am delusional, and my distorted self-concept prevents an optimal adjustment to life. I certainly believe that the overwhelming number of psychological problems that are not of physiologic origin are invariably due to low self esteem, i.e., to a distorted self-concept in which a person grossly underestimates oneself.

Having weaknesses does not make you incompetent or a failure. The real purpose of life is to become the best person you can become and to utilize your abilities for good. It is important to note that healthy self esteem does not solve all the problems of life. Struggle and conflict is intrinsic to life. Sooner or later everyone experiences anxiety and pain. While self-esteem can make one less vulnerable more durable, it cannot make one ignorant of his feelings and needs.

Think of self esteem as the immune system of consciousness. If you have a healthy immune system, you might become ill, but you are less likely to; if you do become ill, you will likely recover faster, your resilience is greater. Similarly, if you have high self-esteem, you might still know times of emotional suffering, but less often and with a faster recovery. Its presence does not guarantee fulfillment, but its absence guarantees anxiety, frustration and despair.

mftNYC develops self esteem counseling program in New York City that helps individuals in building their self esteem by creating greater awareness and teaching the skills toward more durable, fulfilling life.

The following is a partial list of characteristic and habits of healthy, mature and successful people:

  • High level of integrity

  • Set vision, goals and priorities

  • Look at life as a journey for growth

  • Develop courage and act despite fear

  • Focus on the solution rather than the problem

  • Being proactive rather than reactive or a victim

  • Focus on opportunities (to grow) rather than obstacles

  • Develop organizational, planning and time management skills

  • Work methodically, systemically, yet creatively (think out-of-the-box)

  • Align themselves with people with positive character

  • Make difficult decision and accept its consequences

  • Are lifelong-learners

  • Avoid procrastination

  • Look at the big picture

  • Focus on half glass full

  • Practice what they preach

  • Open minded and open to feedback

  • Focus on being wise and not on being right

  • Being assertive (not aggressive and not passive)

  • Effective communicator and thoughtful listener

  • Identify and follow their core values and believes

  • Are adaptable, resilient, flexible while embracing change

  • Focus on changing themselves rather than changing others

  • Develop their emotional intelligence (IE) and Social Intelligence (SI)

By developing healthy character and habits that you practice continuously on a daily basis, you can increase your chances of living a long and vibrant life. That is why establishing an early foundation of healthy habits can last a lifetime and will lead you to become a better person who has better life.

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